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Lynne walked inside her dark room, and turned on the light for the first time in what was probably days. The smell was stale: sex and cologne. She almost felt sick. She lazily opened a window wide to allow for the stench to clear out. Gathered the sheets and dumped them in the washer before starting it up. Her underwear laid on the floor and put that in a separate pile, for later. If the girls ever saw and got to it.
She took a shower. Squirted the soap onto a loofah, lathered up, washed it away. Stood under the water and let the heat from the steam calm her nerves. She grabbed her shampoo and washed her hair in tiny circles. Rinsed it off, exhaled. Tried it again, actually paying attention this time. Rinsed it off with cold water.
Lynne turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, wrapping her hair in it before putting on a new gray robe. She held it close to her; it was still warm from the steam and her former housemate's body heat. Her body… she shook off the thought and went to brush her teeth. Tiny circles, making sure that she got every corner. Her mind flashed to Raven’s and then Andy’s hands, how they held her close. They looked almost the same… She spat out the foam and stared at herself in the mirror. No makeup, no moisturizer. Nothing.
She looked dead.
She washed her face. Once, twice, three times. She rinsed it off. Again. She wanted the thoughts to swirl down the drain with the water. Grabbing the astringent, she opened her pores and the sting was reminiscent of her recent heartbreak over Andy? Raven? She didn’t know anymore. With the moisturizer, she rubbed it into her empty waiting pores. Unsatisfied, she tried it again. Wash, rinse, open pores, moisturize. She gently slapped her cold face. That’s better.
She walked into her walk-in closet, switched on the light. She stared blankly at her options. Blindly grabbed dress pants. Black with gray pinstripes. Egh. Tossed it away. Her eyes searched up and down, finally settling on a green dress that was more suited for the club by itself. She put it on, looked at herself in the mirror. Her mind wandered while she wore it… when was the last time I wore this thing?
She smoothed it out, smirked to her reflection. I look good. She grabbed a jacket and put it over the dress. She grabbed matching heels and her flats, slid on the more comfortable pair before padding out the closet and into the main room. She took her purse, dropped her keys inside and walked to the elevator to get to her car. She looked at her phone for the first time since last night. 09:45. Guess I’m gonna be late to work today. She sighed as the doors closed, leaned against the wall and closed her eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So… Theodora--”
“Mr. LeFay--”
“Please. Andy. I insist.”
“Andrew.”
He grimaced at the sound of his birth name.
He’d been working at Leo’s architectural firm for a couple of months and had decided to get… friendly with his new coworker. Theodora, as he quickly found out, was not having it.
“I am flattered by your compliments, but I would prefer if a certain level of professionalism was kept between us. By a certain level, I mean that I’d rather you not flirt with me.” She spat out ‘flirt’ as if it was a curse, a vile word used only in derogatory fashion.
“While I admire your need to maintain professionalism--”
He was interrupted by a phone call. “Mr. Emmrys’ office.”
He felt disgusted by her sudden change in tone. Ever since the two of them started working together, Theodora was quickly becoming nothing more than a nuisance to Andy. She appeared to be just another timid receptionist with hardly any formidable experience and a rather bland resumé. Just another grunt who was looking to get by until she got another job. Although she admired how serious she took her profession, Andy thought it would be a good idea to remind her that she needed to… well, lighten up. Let her hair down every so often.
That was a little harder than he had anticipated.
So here he was, so close to having to resort of becoming a sycophant of a worker -- to someone of the same level as him, no less! -- and making sure to please Theodora enough to get a chance at getting the ball rolling. It made him sick to think about it. Am I actually becoming the scum that I despise? Is this girl even worth it?
His heart whispered the answer, but his head refused to believe it.
The sound of the phone being put on the hook startled Andy back into reality. He cleared his throat and recomposed himself. Theodora wasted no time, grabbing a stack of papers and handing them to the much taller associate.
“Get these to Mr. Emmrys’ office immediately. And don’t leave until they are all signed off.”
“I get the feeling that you don’t want me here.”
“You’d be correct,” she conceded with a tone of “go away” as she went back to her work.
He sighed, taking the stack and strolling through the building into Leo’s office. He was left to ponder as he walked.
Yes, Theodora was a nuisance but at least she was competent enough to know not to mess with Andy. He liked the chase but getting respect and trust from associates - even if it was tinged with fear - was a much better feeling to him. Although there was something about the fearless types that always drew him in, which is why he pursued ambitious and driven girls like Theodora and… Raven.
He let the name wander in his brain. It had been only weeks since he last saw her and he scowled at the impression he must of left behind. How childish, he thought. I’m judging her for a past mistake. But god, it feels so good to do it… at least until the guilt sets in. He gasped internally.
Guilt? I have no reason to feel guilty; I am completely justified! She betrayed me! … She betrayed me.
He didn’t have time to allow the notion to sink in when he rammed into a custodial cart. He gripped the edge of it to regain his balance and nodded to the janitor in apology as he stood himself up. His side throbbed as he looked down at his watch. 3:30. It’s almost over. Just one more hour and I can go home. His determination bolstered, he headed to Leo’s office with renewed vigor.
“Mr. Emmrys, I have some paperwork--” He announced as he came through the door.
What he saw when he came into his boss’s office was enough to stop him short.
She took a shower. Squirted the soap onto a loofah, lathered up, washed it away. Stood under the water and let the heat from the steam calm her nerves. She grabbed her shampoo and washed her hair in tiny circles. Rinsed it off, exhaled. Tried it again, actually paying attention this time. Rinsed it off with cold water.
Lynne turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, wrapping her hair in it before putting on a new gray robe. She held it close to her; it was still warm from the steam and her former housemate's body heat. Her body… she shook off the thought and went to brush her teeth. Tiny circles, making sure that she got every corner. Her mind flashed to Raven’s and then Andy’s hands, how they held her close. They looked almost the same… She spat out the foam and stared at herself in the mirror. No makeup, no moisturizer. Nothing.
She looked dead.
She washed her face. Once, twice, three times. She rinsed it off. Again. She wanted the thoughts to swirl down the drain with the water. Grabbing the astringent, she opened her pores and the sting was reminiscent of her recent heartbreak over Andy? Raven? She didn’t know anymore. With the moisturizer, she rubbed it into her empty waiting pores. Unsatisfied, she tried it again. Wash, rinse, open pores, moisturize. She gently slapped her cold face. That’s better.
She walked into her walk-in closet, switched on the light. She stared blankly at her options. Blindly grabbed dress pants. Black with gray pinstripes. Egh. Tossed it away. Her eyes searched up and down, finally settling on a green dress that was more suited for the club by itself. She put it on, looked at herself in the mirror. Her mind wandered while she wore it… when was the last time I wore this thing?
She smoothed it out, smirked to her reflection. I look good. She grabbed a jacket and put it over the dress. She grabbed matching heels and her flats, slid on the more comfortable pair before padding out the closet and into the main room. She took her purse, dropped her keys inside and walked to the elevator to get to her car. She looked at her phone for the first time since last night. 09:45. Guess I’m gonna be late to work today. She sighed as the doors closed, leaned against the wall and closed her eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So… Theodora--”
“Mr. LeFay--”
“Please. Andy. I insist.”
“Andrew.”
He grimaced at the sound of his birth name.
He’d been working at Leo’s architectural firm for a couple of months and had decided to get… friendly with his new coworker. Theodora, as he quickly found out, was not having it.
“I am flattered by your compliments, but I would prefer if a certain level of professionalism was kept between us. By a certain level, I mean that I’d rather you not flirt with me.” She spat out ‘flirt’ as if it was a curse, a vile word used only in derogatory fashion.
“While I admire your need to maintain professionalism--”
He was interrupted by a phone call. “Mr. Emmrys’ office.”
He felt disgusted by her sudden change in tone. Ever since the two of them started working together, Theodora was quickly becoming nothing more than a nuisance to Andy. She appeared to be just another timid receptionist with hardly any formidable experience and a rather bland resumé. Just another grunt who was looking to get by until she got another job. Although she admired how serious she took her profession, Andy thought it would be a good idea to remind her that she needed to… well, lighten up. Let her hair down every so often.
That was a little harder than he had anticipated.
So here he was, so close to having to resort of becoming a sycophant of a worker -- to someone of the same level as him, no less! -- and making sure to please Theodora enough to get a chance at getting the ball rolling. It made him sick to think about it. Am I actually becoming the scum that I despise? Is this girl even worth it?
His heart whispered the answer, but his head refused to believe it.
The sound of the phone being put on the hook startled Andy back into reality. He cleared his throat and recomposed himself. Theodora wasted no time, grabbing a stack of papers and handing them to the much taller associate.
“Get these to Mr. Emmrys’ office immediately. And don’t leave until they are all signed off.”
“I get the feeling that you don’t want me here.”
“You’d be correct,” she conceded with a tone of “go away” as she went back to her work.
He sighed, taking the stack and strolling through the building into Leo’s office. He was left to ponder as he walked.
Yes, Theodora was a nuisance but at least she was competent enough to know not to mess with Andy. He liked the chase but getting respect and trust from associates - even if it was tinged with fear - was a much better feeling to him. Although there was something about the fearless types that always drew him in, which is why he pursued ambitious and driven girls like Theodora and… Raven.
He let the name wander in his brain. It had been only weeks since he last saw her and he scowled at the impression he must of left behind. How childish, he thought. I’m judging her for a past mistake. But god, it feels so good to do it… at least until the guilt sets in. He gasped internally.
Guilt? I have no reason to feel guilty; I am completely justified! She betrayed me! … She betrayed me.
He didn’t have time to allow the notion to sink in when he rammed into a custodial cart. He gripped the edge of it to regain his balance and nodded to the janitor in apology as he stood himself up. His side throbbed as he looked down at his watch. 3:30. It’s almost over. Just one more hour and I can go home. His determination bolstered, he headed to Leo’s office with renewed vigor.
“Mr. Emmrys, I have some paperwork--” He announced as he came through the door.
What he saw when he came into his boss’s office was enough to stop him short.
Literature
Intimes Tagebuch - 35 -
Intimes Tagebuch (35)
Da schreibt mir also völlig ungefragt dieser Typ, und was soll ich jetzt damit machen? Ihn blocken, logisch, aber sonst?
……
Was soll ich jetzt damit anfangen? Was will mir der Knabe damit sagen? Dass im Grunde mit seinem nicht mehr so stillschweigenden Einverständnis nun alles okay ist? Dass er, obwohl er ein Höhlenmensch ist, sich nun bemüht, offener zu werden? Und wie nett von ihm, dass er nichts unterbinden will. Sicher will er aber nur weiter mitlesen, was seine Freundin schreibt und was ich so schreibe - natürlich nicht, um sich daran aufzugeilen! Aber er muss informiert sei
Literature
December 5, 2016
When the feelings fade away
what becomes of love?
what is "I love you"?
was this ever love?
Yes
But those feelings are now a distant idea
so they do not mean much to me now
which kills me
because it will kill You
I pray this is just a superficial moment
for how else could I not care?
The truth is,
I care too much
yet so,
it isn't love
for now
Literature
4.30.17
i told myself never again. you made that mistake once, don’t try a second time. but here i am. falling for chiseled cheek bones and dark stubble, thick chestnut hair and reflective brown eyes. his skin is olive and soft and mine is burnt red because i was laughing at him and lost track of time. we aren’t going to pretend to know what’s going to happen, but i like to listen to him talk. he says i come across intelligent and reserved. i tell him that i’m afraid of kayaking but i’d try it again if he wanted. he asks what i’ve done to him, asks what wiles i used. i curl up against his collarbone and ask if i ca
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Comments are appreciated!!
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